Jane Wallman-Girdlestone

Fifty Things I’ve No Intention of Doing Before I Die:

1. Abseiling.

2. Shooting a wild animal.

3. Drinking a whole bottle of vodka in one sitting.

4. Eating an eyeball.

5. Buying a miniskirt.

6. Ironing knickers or socks.

7. Campaigning to give poor and vulnerable people less.

8. Climbing Ben Nevis.

9. Learning to play the trombone.

10. Living under canvas in the wilderness.

11. Dancing the can-can.

12. Owning lamas.

13. Making lavender bags.

14. Wearing a fur coat.

15. Eating coconut.

16. Jumping off a cliff into the sea.

17. Riding a motorbike at 100mph.

18. Apologising for something I haven’t done.

19. Tightrope walking.

20. Flinging rubbish into the sea.

21. Eating only things that are still in date.

22. Owning an expensive designer handbag.

23. Holding a yard sale.

24. Buying The Daily Mail.

25. Drinking fruit teas and pretending I enjoy them.

26. Eating things I hate to be polite.

27. Leaving lies and half truths that affect others unchallenged.

28. Living in fear of my shadow.

29. Stop believing in fairies, unicorns, Mumins and other whimsical folk.

30. Rolling down a hill in a barrel.

31. Voting Tory.

32. Living alone on a desert island without my records, the Bible and the Complete Works of Shakespeare.

33. Kissing Jeremy Clarkson.

34. Stealing a library book.

35. Valuing things more than people.

36. Painting my toe nails pink.

37. Reading Jeffery Archer.

38. Wearing a sequinned boob tube (in public).

39. Hiding my passport in my knickers.

40. Spelling achievement wrongly.

41. Buying an animal print onesie.

42. Eating eel.

43. Fighting in a drunken brawl. I want to be sober.

44. Watching a box set in one sitting without going to sleep.

45. Let caution dictate anything.

46. Knitting leggings.

47. Swim with sharks.

48. Sitting complacently.

49. Living for tomorrow.

50. Living in yesterday.