Looking for imaginative and creative individuals
With a zest for life,
Hope in the future and vitality,
To take on a soul destroying,
Life-threatening task.
Your mission,
Should you choose to accept it
Is to be forever wincing,
Bracing,
Hobbling,
Gritting and tense.
You’ll be relieved to hear
That we offer specialist training
For the right candidate.
We provide professional support
In how to make ‘I’m fine’
Sound convincing in all situations.
We will give you technical support in dealing
With incredulous friends, relatives
And work colleagues,
Who think you are
‘Swinging the lead’
Or
‘Over egging the cake’
And are full of well-meant but ill-conceived advice.
We will help you analyse,
With the help of the latest software,
The motivations and preoccupations of those around you.
Our internationally renown human resources department
Will support your career development,
As you discover the reality
Of who your friends really are;
How many people are scared of what you represent;
And who is a real pal.
We have an excellent team ethos
With a proven track record.
We have fire fighting strategies to
Extinguish the ‘snap out of it’ obstacle setters.
Team building exercises
To empower you in your work
With those who think you
Do ‘really well, considering.’
We offer a competitive remuneration package to the successful applicant.
It can be redeemed at any good Pharmacy.
We provide several days holiday a year
As that’s what people think you are doing with your life anyway.
We offer the option of a warm climate if requested.
Insurance negotiated despite
The hollow laughter from our broker.
Childcare vouchers and enough to live on to cover the additional heating,
Equipment and therapy support you’ll need.
We are a friendly bunch,
If you catch us in the right light.
We are an equal opportunities employer,
It is essential all candidates can evidence themselves as a financial and employment liability.
Applications to:
It happens to most of us one day,
The Planet Earth.
Jane Wallman-Girdlestone 
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